I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
