we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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