i think my mom watched the whole time
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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