took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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