i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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