i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you made out with another girl for some wings
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