I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
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i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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