I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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