Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
