I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Someone signed my nipple.
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