Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You can't motorboat a personality
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
