She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
