i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
