Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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