Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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