she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
