I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
