If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
