oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
