69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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