I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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