If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
