Rock
Scissors
Fuck
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
