I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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