Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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