im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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