I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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