It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
