dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Vodka?
Forever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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