I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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