Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
