He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
