you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
