My sheets look like a crime scene.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
