What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
