I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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