Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
