i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
