Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
