You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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