You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
