I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
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I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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