my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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