do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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