I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
