After last night, I could never be a politician.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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