So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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