My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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