I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Damn victory sex feels great
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