Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
