Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
