i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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