I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
