The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
