Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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