You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
