Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
