im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dick very happy bro
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
