She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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