pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
