sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
