Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
