If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
did i just pee glitter
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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