I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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