My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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