Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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