i think i have herpe
just one?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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