You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
