i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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