Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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