it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
