She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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