a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
