hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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