So drunk its hurt
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
