dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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