I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
