his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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