can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
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It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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