I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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