i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
