i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
