Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
