I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
