My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
